Passing on Life.

At school I learned about mind, body and soul. Life has taught me a weak heart, leads to a weak mind and both lead to a weak physical frame. All this theological jargon is to say I caught a cold. It is funny that this cold would give my soul some clarity. I meditated on my thoughts last night and opened the Word to think on hope. It was Peter who wanted to speak to me on the subject. So I sat down and listened and here is where we started.

(1Peter 3:15) "...but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as Holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you." It was a strong first comment to say the least. And having it come from Peter, well the brash voice of the apostles always seems to have a curious smile like he knows more then he is letting on. So he let me talk.

"Why is that sometimes I have do find defend against my own heart? The world pounds down causing a tsunami of emotion that seems to drown out the logic and truth in my faith. Is this a testing of my mettle? To show me my faith."

Looking at him I continued. "Jewish thought on faith is standing rooted, unmovable like a tree. So in testing we find how deep our roots go. Still what is there to learn if testing does not lead to a brief intermission of rest. We sat silent Peter and I the Holy Spirit lighting the small room in my heart with his presence. I looked at my teachers and smiled."

(1Peter 1:3-9) "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded though faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious then gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." His response sent me back to thinking.

I felt the deep stir of that living hope. A fire if you will. The room seemed a bit brighter as I stared at my teachers. Peter seems to have the look like me griping his words was funny. Or maybe it was like seeing a son learn a truth and doing his Father proud I could not tell. The Holy Spirit just tussled my hair as I sat there silently. Jacob (who most people call James) had taught me about taking trials and tribulations with Joy. Peter seemed to want to build on the block; it was the growing living hope that grew inside us every time we made it through another hardship. In that experience our worship turned into something that much sweeter to the ears of heaven. It was true I felt that hope stir even in the depths of my angst in the last few days. All the loss I have experienced and all the good times just made me glad that there are still things I can learn. Knowledge I can pass on. Still this hope has changed me.

I turned my gaze back to Peter and began to think aloud again. "This hope is a gift that endures past this life. Trials are walking with Jesus through hardship helps it grow, change and evolve. I can look back now and see that in the past I would have fallen sulking in my trail and using sin to nurse me. Yet, now the light of hope inside me spurs me to do more, to get up and praise walking forward triumphant. "

The Holy Spirit and Peter both burst into laughing. It was awkward but when they reined it in the both smiled. "Yes you go it. It does our hearts good to know you our child are doing well and are learning much."

With that I got up to leave as I walked to the door I turned around. "Thanks, its time for me to share more. I said."

The Matter of Time

It has been a great deal of time since I have written here. There has been many attempts to add to my blog, that is to say I have quite a few drafts hidden away from you my dearest readers. I do not fool my self into thinking people have been waiting for my next post or that people check this regular. If that was so I would have many more followers and I would journal on here regularly. Still I wish to reconcile with you my few readers and post.

The journey, which is life, has been hard on all of us. Looking around the United States and all over the world for that matter, economies are not the strongest. The job market is not clamoring for fresh blood, old blood or even experienced blood. No the job market is like a famished child starving for the sustenance of new work. I myself continue my search for a job that can feed my soul, provide for my budding family and carry the weight of my college debt. Is there such a job for me, I do not know?

So I struggle, wrestle and fight with my emotions feeling like a failure unable to provide for my family, no in ministry and delaying my loans. I feel utterly defeated sometimes and even more so I feel as if I have missed out on my destiny. Still I know that I am not the only one struggling with such feelings. So here I sit typing out my thoughts to you the Internet knowing that the chance of reply or growth for my weird little piece of the blog-o-sphere in slim and none, a sounding board with no echo if you will.

I feel it is important anyway because who knows whom will stop by and be encouraged. Yes, encouraged because though I feel this way I have learned to put not stock in my emotions. Though they affect me there is bright beacon of hope in my heart, a shining light that is the creator of the universe. The great God of all and dwells in spirit with me because of Jesus.

It is this hope that pulls me out of this despair. I know right now I feel lost and fallen, that all my enemies surround me looking to gloat over their victory because of my shortcomings. In these times I cling on to the identity I know. That I am a son of the King and thus he has plans for me to prosper. It's only a matter of time.