All Out In The Wash...

Been a great long time since I posted anything, which means this will be multi placed post; once here and repeated else where on the Aether. To begin I have lost much and I have gained much, which makes it all a wash in my opinion.

In the last year most of you have known that I lost the man I considered my father and less then six months later a man I considered my brother. As the weeks turn to months though the pain has dulled, coping with such grief is tremendous burden I rarely share because truly few can understand it and I do not wish to have platitudes of comfort shoveled at me trying to fix what never can be. Some things truly change us forever.

I trust God in all his wisdom but these last two years have been gut wrenching, soul tearing and full of tears. The silver lining has been my Fiancée Jules. I thank God for her each day as I draw breath. Still with all the stresses of life sometimes I do not know which way is up. On the spiritual front I have a great many words spoken over me that are suppose to be blossoming at this time in my life and maybe this is all a part of them.

This is me, trying to cope with everything. I pray, play guitar, have a glass of wine. Life moves from day to day in sometimes mono-tone shades of grey and in few occasion everything slams into Technicolor and just moments later we are back in Kansas again Toto. I feel like I am speaking the crazies. Still I know that life plagues everyone with harsh ups and downs and I am not alone in this sentiment. Being not alone keeps me a bit saner then most.

In the bible people are hit by countless obstacles, tragedies and loss. It is in few of these cases we see restoration or blessing. The things I do see in these stories are people’s faith. They never quite on God and I am in love with the creator so I would never quite on him either. It gives me solace knowing that no matter what I might lose or gain God is still my anchor, goal and love. Does it make life any easer? Heavens no, but it does make life bearable in these late nights where my heart feels half shattered and my soul is walking the shadowy valleys...