My journey has taken me to a point, in which, when I sit in the chairs or pews of what is known as Christian church I feel out of place. In part is that I do not think of that as church anymore. In my last posting I paraphrased the view of a non-christian because I can relate. Sitting facing forward like in a movie theatre and listening listen to a pastor as a motivational speaker or Dr. Phil expecting direction on how life should be or what I should believe does not seem like the walk to me. (Not claiming there is no insight periodically from a good teacher.)
No Church to me now a days looks very different. I find church in conversations about God around a dinner table. It is feeding the poor with people passionate about being God's hands. It is talking about the difference between slam poetry and hip-hop or how truth can be found in the stories of writers. Worship service is wherever my heart over flows and I can not help but sing. From a mall, work, in the shower or even the super market. I still like huge group times of singing, guitar playing and a cappella of voices to God. The beauty of the Earth is a grand chapel to experience a relationship with God. I am not saying there are not sacred places.
There are places where the vail of the Kingdom and Earth are thin. The Grand Canyon, IHoP KC, a Boiler Room, ORU are some examples. It can be said where the hearts of those dedicated to the desire tin having a relationship with God and seek it with all they hearts together that is a sacred place.
This is very different from what I was raised to believe. Still the more I walk with Jesus from place to place the more I understand why he spoke in the public places and went to peoples houses. Being able to look into the eyes of people, hear their stories, taste the wonders of food and hum of with the music. To dance with a bride in Cana of Galilee and drink a vine vintage wrought from the water and the Holy Spirit. To praise God by spending time with people, clarifying things they where learning about and to bring healing to a beaten broken people.
I see similarities between the Jewish people of that time and the youth of this generation. They were beaten down by a world and its government. They whispered hush filled prayers for mercy as they where taxed into poverty. They looked to each other and the heavens as they where faced with a culture that said they where never good enough (cause they where not Roman.) Jesus brought life into that by being amongst the sinners who looked for escape. Some of them moving from the arms of one lover to another, still others shunned because they where diseased and just wanted a touch of reprieve, and others who cried out from a distance even if they thought they were unworthy and just wanted scraps from the Son of David.
I am just not able to walk anywhere if I am stuck in a building or close my eyes to those who do not know the love I know. The more I have been educated the more I find my self knowing nothing. As life moves forward the more I have experienced love the more hurt I have experienced to. As many songs as I have sung worshiping God, I have experienced ill towards me from being sick, to being called names, to others completely abandoning me over discussions. Still I find myself rejoicing in the Lord and learning to find happiness in the things he is giving me. Church is found in this, the Christian walk is this, as for the power of the spirit. Well that comes with faith and that is something that needs experience to.
I am a bit disgruntled. I like a glass of wine. Maybe a pipe every so often. I love spending time with people and food. To converse, learn and love together. Church to me is not in a building and sometimes its happens when you least expect it. God likes jumping in on your life if you give him a chance. I wonder when I will find a new home. Maybe not till the Citadel. Till then I seek. Till then I read the word, seek my Lover, and love others as I try to love God...
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